Walkthrough:Final Fantasy X/BlueHighwind/Part 17
Space Monkies, I, BlueHighwind, have been told on at least a dozen seperate ocasions in some instances by people I've never even met, that Britney Spears' sister is pregnant (considering her relations, I hope its with a Xenomorph). Well, I didn't give a shit the first time I heard and I feel no different today. So please, this is a call to the entire world: STOP BUGGING ME WITH YOUR STUPID BRAIN DEAD TABLOID ISSUES!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT BRITNEY OR PARIS OR THAT UGLY CHICK FROM FRIENDS!! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!! Bevelle (Still More) After our many adventures in the desert, and Via Purifico, our team has finally returned to normal. Once again we have six characters to roll with in mortal combat. But wait, we have a guest for this reunion, its Seymour. And as I predicted, Elmer Fudd never got to hunt rabbits (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah). Also Seymour has gone totally insane (getting dumped at the alter can do that to a man), and seems to think that by killing Elmer, he was actually doing to Looney Tunes character a favor. Yes, Seymour has reached the same emo logical conclusion all Square villains reach - the world is pain, so let's end it so that we don't have to suffer anymore. This thought usually comes directly after the villain is dumped by his girlfriend and he stops crying. Sephiroth never reached this conclusion - he just wanted to be God and blow shit up. That's why Sephiroth kicks ass. Kimahri tries to fight the big bad Guado, but since he sucks at everything he loses brilliantly. Seymour has also tapped into the realm of darkness and has been granted one of the cheaper Final Boss bodies Chaos has in stock in the back room. Hey, its the Final Boss Store's busy season and all the best outfits were taken by Kefka and Sephiroth. The rest of the party runs away. Tidus cries, as usual. Yuna finally decides that she's no pansy ass like Blondy, so she wants to save Kimahri. Auron just says "Better that dumbass blue Wookie then me", but is overridden by democratic process. Before you run up to fight Seymour Ver. 2.0 be sure to Save and purchase some Hi-Potions and Al Bhed Potions. You won't be able use "Cure" magic in the next Boss fight. Also make sure that Yuna knows "Reflect" before you even think of taking on the Maester. If she doesn't know it yet, it should only take a few moments of level grinding before you're ready to rumble. You don't need to overdo it, Seymour just isn't that tough of a Boss this time around. Run up then Save at the second Save Sphere. Now prepare to take down Seymour. Macalania Woods Somehow we manage to avoid the raging army of furious Bevelle soldiers and escape to the woods. This is probably Seymour's fault more than anyone else's. If he had only brought more than four soldiers with him (and not kill even those) he might have actually defeated us. Wait, it's also the Pope's fault for not just outright killing us! Pretty much all of Yevon can be blamed for having really weak security. Save the game, and per Auron's suggestion: "Maybe you should go talk to her (wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more say no more)", go see Yuna. Head South then continue down at the four-way fork. Now we get to go see the Summoner for a little booty call. OH! Here watch some hard core Final Fantasy porn: FBBCloscEPw I'm using the Remix version because J-Pop sucks. That shit aint going on my walkthrough (it shouldn't even be in the game in the first place). Even a weird Elvis Presley song in German is a vast improvement. This is all FFVIII's fault. It started this annoying trend with that fucking "Eyes On Me" crap that I hate. I do gleefully report that Tidus only lasted about two minutes ten seconds (what a loser), leaving poor Yuna unsatisfied and disappointed. Come over to my place baby, I'll show you how a gentleman treats a lady ;). And why are they still wearing clothes? Is this a Spira thing or just a weird Tidus thing? Perhaps the Wizard conjured clothing on them just to keep FFX's G Rating. Hell, they didn't even go below the belt, Tidus didn't even get to Second Base. Well it's for the best in the end. Spira will certainly be thankful to not have to deal with the genetic remnants of Tidus in its future generations. One awkward moment later, Yuna and Tidus return to the camp. I always like to imagine that while those two were innocently kissing like two schoolgirls, Auron and Lulu and Rikku were doing something really perverse and hardcore (like actual penetration). Wakka and Kimahri were out in the woods doing their own sick bestiality thing. So that night everybody found love. Even Seymour got fucked by Auron's katana. Goodnight. The next morning, ignore your team heading East and instead back up to the campsite. Here you'll find a hidden Lucid Ring. Now go down in the intersection and head down two screens to find one of Jecht's Spheres. Go back down and head East, Save, then leave the forest. Calm Lands The Calm Lands are a real shock to your system, because unlike every other place in the game, this area is not a total straight line. Its also the largest area in the entire game - the whole screen is bigger than several city blocks. However, this isn't really too much of a deviation. You still need to head North, just this time you need to do a bit more hunting to find the Items scattered across the plains. The enemies are also of a significantly stronger caliber, but it isn't so bad. Just wait until Gagazet. Run West along the cliff and you can talk to Maechen to learn the multi-faceted history of the Calm Lands. Continue along until you're able to enter the meat and potatoes of the region itself. Oh so many choices. "Blue, I don't know what to do (whaa!)" Well shut up, and let me lead. Head along the Southern edge of the cliff until you reach the Southeast corner of the plains. Here are two Chests, containing 5,000 and 10,000 Gil. Now for no particular reason, I'm ending this section of the walkthrough here. Turn the page to here more of my insane rantings - and more priceless guidance. Category: Final Fantasy X Walkthrough